Sarah, stop. There's no reason to be ashamed. We should have talked about this years ago. Masturbation is a healthy and beautiful thing. It is the safest form of sexual activity, and crucial to the sexual awakening you are both going through. Your father and I masturbate. We also masturbate each other.
The computer is yours. I'm going to shoot myself.
No way. I'm never touching that computer again. And Mom, that last part was just gratuitous. I'm going to Mary's house. Forever.
We'll have to continue tha
What are you two arguing about? It's giving me a headache.
Sarah is a shill for Scientology.
Chad won't give up the--oh my God. That's so disgusting.
What?
Mom, there's a tub of Crisco and a roll of toilet paper under the desk, by Chad's feet. He's been downloading porn and masturbating here.
What, are you a Scientologist? Do you still have a crush on Tom Cruise? He's almost as old as Dad. He's a bag of fail.
I think Tom Cruise is a good actor!
I think Tom Cruise is hiding in your closet. He doesn't seem to want to come out.
Shut up! He's not gay! He has a wife.
So did Rock Hudson.
He has a kid.
Everybody knows Katie Holmes was impregnated with the defrosted baby batter of L. Ron Hubbard.
Gross. You're a freak.
Nobody reads that piece of sh*t. My first YouTube video has nearly two million hits.
Whoop-te-f*cking-do. And Daniel wants to play Warcraft. He's been jumping on my bed for an hour and I swear to f*cking God that if he doesn't find something to do I'll spike his Kool-Aid with Mom's Xanax.
The epic Scientology raid is just days away. I need to recruit newf*gs.
Who cares about Scientology anyway.
Chad. Time's up. Let me use the computer.
I said give me a minute. I'm destroying Scientology. This is important.
Your time was up two hours ago. Christ, if you spent half the time you spent on IRC outside you'd have a girlfriend by now.
I'm not on IRC you retard. I'm making a video.
This is ridiculous. You've been at this for six hours. I'm sure Scientology will still be there tomorrow.
You don't know the history of Scientology. I do. There's no time to waste.
I want to update my MySpace page.
Nobod
TRANSCRIPT
We are Anonymous. We have no centralized leadership to attack. Your barratry will only drain your resources and further inflame the anger of the Internet, where freedom of information is not just a principle, but a sacrament.
Thanks for the comments. Even though this didn't get a higher rating (at least at the time of this writing), I can see that some of that is simply the result of referencing an old fad. Since several commenters said the new music is better and nobody actually said the old music is better, I'm entering this into the remix contest (which is at http://remixytmnd3.ytmnd.com).
