Following the war, Lando builds a mining complex on the Nkllon - the hot inner planet in orbit of the star Athega - called Nomad City. The city consists of an old Dreadnaught carried across the landscape on the night side of the planet. The city always stays on the night side - as close as the planet is to the sun most materials would not last very long in direct sunlight. Custom builds shield ships with special cooling equipment so that ordinary ships could be protected from the Athega's intense heat on the trip inward. Calrissian's startup costs are high, but he makes a large profit from the materials he mined from the planet.

+5

later, he goes back to school to study financing, landing a high stakes job at a space accounting firm.

+5

Chewie began pumping his hips rhythmically, driving himself into Lando as far as he could go.

+22

I just fell for the trap.

+2

Massive damage!

+3

Nomad City is destroyed during Grand Admiral Thrawn's campaign against the New Republic, portrayed in The Thrawn Trilogy. When Emperor Palpatine reappears in Dark Empire and begins his own campaign against the New Republic, Calrissian rejoins the Republic's military at his previous rank. After Palpatine is finally destroyed in Empire's End, Calrissian leaves the military. When Kessel is abandoned following Grand Admiral Daala's attack on the planet, Calrissian takes over the planet, converts its prison into a mining complex, and mines spice from the planet for a number of years.

+5

Empire's End was a horrible, horrible comic. Almost as bad as the Glove of Darth Vader series.....

I saw that at the local library. I wondered why it was alongside such classics as The Rescuers and Pippi Longstocking. Then I realized the librarian was a TOTAL IDIOT WHO PROBABLY WATCHED BARNEY WHEN SHE WAS FIFTEEN.

During The Corellian Trilogy, Calrissian goes on a galaxy-wide hunt for a rich wife. The businessman, reasoning that marriage is partly a financial relationship, meets Tendra Risant from Sacorria, whom he marries. With Tendra's family's money and his entrepreneurial abilities, he opens a mining facility on the planet of Dubrillion on the Outer Rim. On the side, Lando unofficially runs an asteroid training facility for smuggler pilots, in order to improve their skills. He will also f*ck all of your mothers.

+5

All of that stuff you just said was awesome.

+2

Don't forget that his company is also the ones who built a series of battle droids that were successful in aiding in the galactic war with the religious fanatic Yuuzhan Vong.

+1

It was later revealed in ancient Jedi texts that "The Force" is actually just a nickname for his penis.

oh so that's what that is. I thought the nsfw system was to regulate sites with explicit content, my bad.

+1

Explicit being puppies, kittens, shampoo and anti-religious thoughts. Anti-semitic expletives welcome.

+3

No Sauce For Wiggers

+4

Being noisey is also explicit.

No Sound F*ckWads

Who IS safe around those furry warbling killing machines?

+4

Made me smile big time :D

+1

I'll just point out that while Episode 5 is the best one, ALL the movies are "the good one."

+1

I beg to differ. Ep 5 is "the good one," Eps 4 and 6 are the "pretty good ones", Ep 3 is "the a'ight one", and Eps 1 and 2 are "the horribly sh*tty ones".

+12

i support pharaohmobius' comment.

I don't think beenyjoe81 was counting the "horribly sh*tty ones" as being "ones" at all, which would explain his comment.

+1

let us not forget The Star Wars Holiday Special. Ep 1 is unfortunately awesome compared to the wookie christmas

+5

wheelyum: He didn't make that explicit, so I didn't assume that's what he meant. I learned a long time ago never to assume what other people might have meant, especially on the internet. fuzzhammer: Sure, SWHS was a train wreck. It's also non-canonical, which Eps 1 and 2 can't claim. Bea Arthur dancing with Greedo never happened in the "real" Star Wars universe (for whatever that's worth), but Jar-Jar and all his *ssh*lery did, as did midichlorians and Emo Anakin. Not that it's at all important, mind you.

+2

the Holiday special is horrible, but doesn't count. Episode 1 may not be my favorite of the saga, but it isn't sh*tty. 'White Chicks' was a sh*tty movie. TPM had its problems, granted, but all movies have some flaw.......except Empire. JarJar was annoying, yes; but I hear people complain about how Anakin was emo as if it's against the character. Think about it; that's exactly what a villain like Darth VAder would've been like as a teenager.

+2

Two words would have redeemed Episode One for me. As Boss Nass congratulates Jar-Jar, ending his exile and welcoming him back, his final sentence should have ended with, "... my son." Turning Jar-Jar from "The Fool" to "The Royal Fool", a much more dramatic archetype. Oh yeah, and IF THE ACTORS HAD ACTUALLY ACTED.

+3

^ It is like you crawled in my brain and read my thoughts in the future which is now that I have read your comments and had this great epiphany that that would have really helped having Jar-Jar even exist. Oh yeah. and this ytmnd is great. I can't tell if it is supposed to be blurry or if that is just the alcohol thou.

+3

No, young Anakin should have been like a c*ckier Luke, but even more prone to be ruled by his emotions (and thus, susceptible to the dark side). People like Anakin as he was portrayed in the first three movies don't end up being criminal masterminds, they end up being the sniveling, bitter little peons who work for criminal masterminds.

+3

As for Ep 1's flaws (beyond the terrible acting and poor dialogue): the whole, unnecessary midichlorian thing, the godawful, tacked-on pod race scene (complete with dumpy, improbable two-headed NASCAR announcer), luck being touted over skill in solving problems (both Jar-Jar and Anakin luck into their implausible victories), Darth Maul being killed off instead of doing something interesting with him, Lucas being more concerned with having a "diverse" cast than a cast that worked well together, etc. ...

+2

Darth Maul was killed off so that Darth Sidious could learn his lesson with his apprentice. He realized that he had trained Maul to simply be a tool. A weapon of the dark side; not a Sith Lord. He taught him to hate too much, which is where we see the difference in Darth Tyrannus; his problem being that he was already in his 80's, far too old.

+3

"People like Anakin as he was portrayed in the first three movies don't end up being criminal masterminds, they end up being the sniveling, bitter little peons who work for criminal masterminds." You mean like Darth Vader to his master Emperor Palpatine?? lol That's what he was; or what he became. Because of his injuries, Anakin was only the equal in power to Palpatine, but because of becoming more machine than flesh, many of the powers of the dark side that Palpatine had were forever out of his reach.

+3

"You mean like Darth Vader to his master Emperor Palpatine?? lol " NO LIKE UR MOM OLOLLOLOLOLOL Seriously, though, you're off-base. Is Vader a sniveling toadie? Not at all. He's the quintessential Lieutenant or "under-boss". He stays in his place because he knows his Master has the advantage... for now (note his offer to Luke in Ep 6). The kind of pathetic loser Anakin was in 1 - 3 is so whipped by life that he can only take orders, while the Vader of 4 - 6 is a formidable leader in his own right.

+2

Whatever dubious plot advancement Lucas gained from killing off Maul so quickly (is negated by what could have been done if Lucas had been interested in writing a coherent plot. Sidious should have learned his "lesson" and attempted to do away with Maul himself, in favor of installing Tyrannus. Maul could have been set up as a para-antagonist (a Phantom Menace, if you will) who discovered and attempted to turn Anakin before Sidious could. Palpatine could have leveraged Maul's (failed) bid to...

+2

vader was always a bitch ass. compare him to any forum moderator. always bitching, and then when he gets some power he starts deleting everyone. noob.

...turn Anakin to his advantage, underscoring the severity of the Sith threat while setting himself up as Anakin's mentor. By passing himself off as the last of a "secret order of Sith hunters," he could surreptitiously introduce Sith concepts to Anakin's thinking ("to stop a Sith, you have to think like a Sith..."), and set up a "moment of crisis" where Anakin would choose the dark side over the light. Much better, in my mind, than the whole contrived "you have to turn evil to save your love!" schtick.

+2

That could work, except for the fact that the Prequels make up ANAKIN'S story, not Maul's. And the plot of Anakin choosing the dark side to save the life of the one he loves, only to kill her with the power he took is like something right out of a Greek tragedy; dramatic irony, like Oedipus the King.

+2

Yes, yes, it's Anakin's story. Doesn't mean that Anakin is on the screen every second. My rough plot wouldn't give Anakin any less screentime than the existing films. And "Anakin killing Padme with the power he wanted to use to save her" is something out of O. Henry (see "Gift of the Magi"), not out of Greek tragedy. Becoming the monster he sought to destroy and finding that the power he strove for wasn't worth what he lost to attain it is tragic enough without the soap opera histrionic bs.

+2

Can't believe I'm doing this on ytmnd.....lol. The definition of a tradedy is one where the hero's fortune goes from good to bad. According to Aristotle's definition: the change to bad fortune which he undergoes is not due to any moral defect or flaw, but a mistake of some kind. If from the outside, it's a misadventure. The story of Anakin's downfall is the definition of a Greek tragedy.

+2

this comment chain is epic. and to think, i sort of started it on its way with my wookie christmas crack. but what about ewoks?!!!

+3

im just +ing all the comments for no reason.

+2

Aristotle isn't the final word on tragedy, though; he claimed that tragedy doesn't derive from external circumstances or a moral flaw, but what of characters who cannot cope in the face of overwhelming events? What of mistakes made due to hybris, derelection of duty, or unruled passions? His definition of tragedy was obsolete before he died. On a side note, I compared Ep 3's ending to O Henry because like that author's work it was schmaltzy and undignified (which does not fit the mold of Greek tragedy).

fuzzhammer: The Ewoks and the Battle of Endor were nothing but a polemical allegory of the Vietnam War. How's that for a debate starter? :oD

-1

Needs more Belfour :oD

+1

oh noes his only weakness!

Finally, a lando ytmnd that took some f*cking effort.

+7

GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO NEEDS LANDO THEME SONG

^ agreed

-1

No, it doesn't.

-2

I think I know what you're talking about and that's not Lando's theme; it's the cloud city theme.

-1

No, not the Cloud City theme. The EPIC Lando theme song can be heard on quality sites such as http://landocalrissiannightincanada.ytmnd.com/

^^ Oh, okay. I never saw that before. I stand corrected.

-1

I like it the way it is, its kind some kind of epic noir feeling, like Pulp Fiction.

It's the cologne.

4 because there's no lando theme.

-3

lol, you got chew3d

+3

Chewie is naked

+1

Wookiee has 2 e's

+2

http://images.google.com/images?q=wookie&hl=en&safe=off&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&oi=images&ct=title

-1

http://images.google.com/images?svnum=10&um=1&hl=en&safe=off&q=wookiee&btnG=Search+Images

-1

storm45's right. It's spelled with two e's; though it doesn't really mean that much. http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Wookiee

lol, Force Commander. I've still got that around somewhere.

+1

you sir, win the entire internets

+1

its a series of tubes

actually , its more like kodak film.

+1

NO actually JAZZ is like a NEW COAT

It'll be around forever. Heh, heh, heh.

So where does one get the special glasses to see the 3d?

+1

5 for Redemption at Abridon

+1

omg this is sooooooo f'in funny i want to nut

+1

who isn't nsfw i ask. who indeed

+1

I see what you did there

WANTED: Someone to get this wookie off me. This is serious f*cking business. You'll be paid immediately, any ammount you want. Must bring weapons, lots of weapons. My safety must be guaranteed. I don't think it has *ever* been attempted before, much less accomplished...

+1

he's right, wookiee has 2 e's. just because 90% of the internet is retarded doesn't mean you have to be.

-1

i'm glad the 10 percentile has time to stop by and bitch.

-2

On a related note, "virgin" is spelled with one "i". :oD

^ See, 'cuz it's really spelled with two "i"s... XD

+1

wrong: its spelled verjen and there are no Is

-1

i dont get it

-1

I waited to get home for this one.

+1

this made me check to see if my glasses were clean

+1

OMFG, NSFW!!! XD

+1

i don't see how this is funny

-2

F A I L

-1

Has anyone wiki'd LANDO yet?

man this is still up and coming, never thought i would see the day. thanks voters <3

Is this supposed to depict Chewie violently raping Lando?

Yeah, there are two E's in Wookiee. But nice try.

-2

likewise, nice try: http://slypoop.ytmnd.com/ stupid hack.

Aids.

ITS THE GRAND CHAWHEES BIRFDAY.

goodly did

i voted not wookie safe